Things have been steady for a while. No big changes. But lately my mother is growing more quiet and reserved, still happy to attend whatever is going on around her, but not trying to be a part of the conversation anymore with her jumbled, fragmented language. I felt embarrassed for her when she would do that. I felt embarrassed for her when she didn't feel emabarrassed. Now of course I am missing the sound of her voice.

She said my name a few weeks ago. My dad put her on the phone, which is usually a struggle, and told her "It's Sara," and she said "Hi Sara!" like she would have. Like she did. Like she used to when she would say "Hi Sara! How's my baby?"

When she said my name, it knocked the wind out of me for a second. I couldn't think of what to say next until I remembered I was supposed to say "Hi Mom!" So I said that. She giggled a little. And that was the end of that. I couldn't decide if I should have written that down at the time. I'm glad I didn't.

I saw my mother at my Dad's birthday lunch last weekend. The only thing I heard her say then was "Corn." My sister offered her a muffin and when she gave it to her she said "Here Mom, it's corn." "Corn," my mother repeated a few times. Like she was rolling the word around in her mouth to experiment with how it felt. My son did the same thing when he was a baby. My mother eats the things we give her and she is delighted at the experience of the muffin, and actually that part is pretty cool. One of my friends told me when I was pregnant that the best thing about being a parent is you get to experience the world for the first time all over again through your child. I guess that is one of the best things about this situation too. Muffins, especially corn ones, are amazing.

After our meal we went to a coffee shop and my Dad disappeared from her view for a brief time. She was agitated. There was a mirror on the wall and my sister told me Mom could see Dad's reflection, but couldn't figure out how to get to him. "Like a kitten," I said, and we both laughed. Mom saw us laughing and laughed too, and then it didn't matter that the mirror confused her. That's nice too. She still laughs.

The doctor told my Dad in the beginning that he would eventually have trouble at night because her sleep schedule would become erratic and she would wander. Her sleep is becoming erratic, but no wandering so far. So far she's been keeping him up because she is quietly singing sweet songs to their ancient cat, or she is reaching over to gently rub my Dad's tummy while he is sleeping and I guess that wakes him. But of course this could be substantially worse. I guess this will, be substantially worse.

My mother and her in-home aide were at my parents house last week. The same house they have lived in for 50 years. My mother told her helper she was going to get up and use the restroom, but then she came back a little too quickly. "I was going to go," she said, "but I can't remember where it is."